Once upon a time, a beautiful young maiden lived in a tower guarded by a fierce dragon. She was trapped by an evil witch, because the witch was jealous of the maiden’s looks. The young girl spent years in this tower, awaiting rescue. Of course, there was no way she could free herself. She did not have the ability. She would be trapped in this tower forever.
Until Sir Rosen appeared.
He rode up to the castle and dismounted. Sir Rosen knew what he had to do. He had heard legends of a maiden trapped at the top of the tower, and it was his knightly duty to free her.
He destroyed the dragon in a single blow, climbed to the top of the tower, and greeted the maiden. They were married immediately. The end.
“That story sucks!” Claire crossed her arms and stuck out her lip.
I raised my eyebrows and closed the book. “Oh? How so?”
“Because the princess is so boring! She doesn’t have a name. She’s got no...no….” I saw her trying to think of the right word. “Spunk! She’s got no spunk.”
“That may not be true. She could have all kinds of spunk, but you never get to see it, because the story doesn’t focus on her. It’s about the knight. But it doesn’t have to be.” I touched my daughter’s shoulder. “You can be so much more than a damsel in distress, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, okay pumpkin?” She nodded. Oh, I hoped this message got through to her. She needed to know at a young age, before misogyny could get to her.
“Mommy, what if the knights take over, and I’m forced to become a damsel in distress?” I could see the fear in her eyes. Maybe there is a too young. Maybe I should have waited.
No.
“The stories were written hundreds of years ago. It’s different from today. Today boys can be princesses and girls can be knights and it doesn’t matter. Nobodies going to force you to do be a damsel in distress, and if they do…” I whispered in her ear, “slap them in the face.”
She giggled, but I wasn’t joking. If anyone tries to hurt my little Claire-bear the way they hurt me, I swear it won’t just be a slap in the face.
“But come on, kid. It’s time for your play-date.” And with that lesson, I took my baby to her friends, hoping she’ll pass on the lesson to them.
***
Mommy took me out to the playground. I looked for my friends, and I saw Madison, Zach, and José all sitting together. I jogged over to them and sit down, and they all stood up.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked.
Madison brightened. “We’re gonna play Kingdoms!”
“Can I play?”
José said, “Sure! Zach and I will be the knights, and you two can be the princesses.”
I thought back to what Mommy told me. You can be so much more than a damsel in distress, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. “Why can’t I be the knight?”
Zach laughed. “Cause you’re a girl. Girls are always the princesses.”
“Yeah, but I’m sick of just sitting on top of the slide while you guys get to fight the dragon. You guys take forever to rescue us. It gets boring.”
“But that’s because we have to fight the dragon! He’s really strong, you know.”
Madison spoke up. “Claire’s right. I’m sick of being the princess. You two should be the princesses.”
“But we’re boys!” Zach and José spoke at the same time. “We can’t be princesses.”
“Well then,” I said, “Be princes.”
Zach crossed his arms. “But princes rescue princesses. They can’t be trapped in the tower.”
“Why?”
José stopped. His mouth opened. “Uh… because…”
“Because! Because that’s how it is. That’s how it’s always been. That’s what the stories say.” Zach stuck out his tongue. He looked pretty confident that he won. I wasn’t gonna let him. So I got real close to Zach, right up in his face, and repeated what Mommy said.
“The stories were written hundreds of years ago. It’s different from today. Today boys can be princesses and girls can be knights and it doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, but…”
Madison looked at me like I was special. “Try out being princesses. I’m pretty sure you’ll like it.”
And they did! We played kingdoms, and Madison and I got to slay the fierce, fire-breathing dragon. We rescued them, and then we all got married. Then we switched and the boys got to slay the dragons. It was fun to switch it around. At one point, Hercules came over and was the dragon, so we didn’t have to pretend he was there. For the first time, I actually enjoyed playing Kingdoms. Our mommies and daddies picked us up and we all went home with smiles on our faces.
***
Claire could barely stay still in the car. She kept talking about how she “did it,” and how “she slayed the dragon.” She didn’t tell me any more until we got home and I poured us a glass of milk. With milk dripping from her chin, Claire finally explained.
“Mommy they listened to you!” I tipped my head and raised my eyebrows, even more confused.
“We were playing Kingdoms, and I told them that I didn’t want to be a princess, and I told them that today is different and boys can princess and so they agreed and they were the princesses and Madison and I were the knights and then we switched and I just told them what you said and it changed their minds. You changed their minds, mommy!”
I smiled at her. I’m glad that she could convince her friends that girls are more than princess, but I’m sure her friends were just as eager to tell their parents. Them I’m worried about.
Sure enough, five minutes later, my phone rang. My heart was racing when I saw the caller: Zachary’s mother. Biting my lip, I answered.
“Hello Catharine, how are-”
I couldn’t even finish my greeting before Catharine began screaming onto my ear. “My son wants to be a princess now, and it’s all your fault! Your daughter has turned my young man into a...a… a girl. You should be ashamed.”
“Why? All my daughter did was not conform to gender roles. Your son decided to be a princess all on his own.”
“My son would never do that. You and your daughter are pressuring my son into your Feminazi lies!’”
Claire was sitting at the table now. She whispered, “What’s going on?”
How do I tell her that some people believe it’s embarrassing to be a princess? I held up a finger and returned to the screaming mother on the other end. “Listen, Catharine, we obviously have two very different ideas regarding this. So I’m just going to hang up now, and we can talk later, in a public environment.” Before she could scream any more, I ended the phone call.
“Mommy, what was that?”
My heart wrenched. Claire was young. A child. She may be my baby feminist, but she hasn’t faced any harsh discrimination or rejection. 5-year-olds shouldn’t have to deal with this. But she needs to know.
I sit down across from her. “Listen, Claire-bear. Some people out there are still living in the stories. They refuse to believe little boys can be just a pretty princesses as girls. It was just one of those people, okay?”
She nodded. If only she could stay this innocent forever.
***
On the school playground the day after our play-date, I ran up to my three friends. “Hey, guys!” I bounced up and down. “Let’s play Kingdoms!”
Madison smiled sadly, “I can’t. My dad won’t let me.”
“What?” I was heartbroken. “Why?” she shrugged.
Zach backed away slowly. “Mommy says that you are bad influence, and your mother is the...the… the ‘devil spawn.’”
I laughed nervously. “What does that mean?”
“It means that my mommy says your mommy is irresponsible and not a good mommy.”
I stood straight. No mommy should tell another mommy how to be a mommy. “Your mommy is wrong. My mommy is the best, prettiest mommy in the whole world. And if you are not going to play with me, then that’s fine. I’m not going to play Kingdoms with a mommy hater.” And I walked away, with tears stinging my eyes. No, Claire. Don’t cry. You’re a big girl and those kids are stupid.
And so I walked to the other side of the playground, a strong little girl, with no knights telling me or my mommy to be damsels in distress.
Until Sir Rosen appeared.
He rode up to the castle and dismounted. Sir Rosen knew what he had to do. He had heard legends of a maiden trapped at the top of the tower, and it was his knightly duty to free her.
He destroyed the dragon in a single blow, climbed to the top of the tower, and greeted the maiden. They were married immediately. The end.
“That story sucks!” Claire crossed her arms and stuck out her lip.
I raised my eyebrows and closed the book. “Oh? How so?”
“Because the princess is so boring! She doesn’t have a name. She’s got no...no….” I saw her trying to think of the right word. “Spunk! She’s got no spunk.”
“That may not be true. She could have all kinds of spunk, but you never get to see it, because the story doesn’t focus on her. It’s about the knight. But it doesn’t have to be.” I touched my daughter’s shoulder. “You can be so much more than a damsel in distress, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, okay pumpkin?” She nodded. Oh, I hoped this message got through to her. She needed to know at a young age, before misogyny could get to her.
“Mommy, what if the knights take over, and I’m forced to become a damsel in distress?” I could see the fear in her eyes. Maybe there is a too young. Maybe I should have waited.
No.
“The stories were written hundreds of years ago. It’s different from today. Today boys can be princesses and girls can be knights and it doesn’t matter. Nobodies going to force you to do be a damsel in distress, and if they do…” I whispered in her ear, “slap them in the face.”
She giggled, but I wasn’t joking. If anyone tries to hurt my little Claire-bear the way they hurt me, I swear it won’t just be a slap in the face.
“But come on, kid. It’s time for your play-date.” And with that lesson, I took my baby to her friends, hoping she’ll pass on the lesson to them.
***
Mommy took me out to the playground. I looked for my friends, and I saw Madison, Zach, and José all sitting together. I jogged over to them and sit down, and they all stood up.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked.
Madison brightened. “We’re gonna play Kingdoms!”
“Can I play?”
José said, “Sure! Zach and I will be the knights, and you two can be the princesses.”
I thought back to what Mommy told me. You can be so much more than a damsel in distress, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. “Why can’t I be the knight?”
Zach laughed. “Cause you’re a girl. Girls are always the princesses.”
“Yeah, but I’m sick of just sitting on top of the slide while you guys get to fight the dragon. You guys take forever to rescue us. It gets boring.”
“But that’s because we have to fight the dragon! He’s really strong, you know.”
Madison spoke up. “Claire’s right. I’m sick of being the princess. You two should be the princesses.”
“But we’re boys!” Zach and José spoke at the same time. “We can’t be princesses.”
“Well then,” I said, “Be princes.”
Zach crossed his arms. “But princes rescue princesses. They can’t be trapped in the tower.”
“Why?”
José stopped. His mouth opened. “Uh… because…”
“Because! Because that’s how it is. That’s how it’s always been. That’s what the stories say.” Zach stuck out his tongue. He looked pretty confident that he won. I wasn’t gonna let him. So I got real close to Zach, right up in his face, and repeated what Mommy said.
“The stories were written hundreds of years ago. It’s different from today. Today boys can be princesses and girls can be knights and it doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, but…”
Madison looked at me like I was special. “Try out being princesses. I’m pretty sure you’ll like it.”
And they did! We played kingdoms, and Madison and I got to slay the fierce, fire-breathing dragon. We rescued them, and then we all got married. Then we switched and the boys got to slay the dragons. It was fun to switch it around. At one point, Hercules came over and was the dragon, so we didn’t have to pretend he was there. For the first time, I actually enjoyed playing Kingdoms. Our mommies and daddies picked us up and we all went home with smiles on our faces.
***
Claire could barely stay still in the car. She kept talking about how she “did it,” and how “she slayed the dragon.” She didn’t tell me any more until we got home and I poured us a glass of milk. With milk dripping from her chin, Claire finally explained.
“Mommy they listened to you!” I tipped my head and raised my eyebrows, even more confused.
“We were playing Kingdoms, and I told them that I didn’t want to be a princess, and I told them that today is different and boys can princess and so they agreed and they were the princesses and Madison and I were the knights and then we switched and I just told them what you said and it changed their minds. You changed their minds, mommy!”
I smiled at her. I’m glad that she could convince her friends that girls are more than princess, but I’m sure her friends were just as eager to tell their parents. Them I’m worried about.
Sure enough, five minutes later, my phone rang. My heart was racing when I saw the caller: Zachary’s mother. Biting my lip, I answered.
“Hello Catharine, how are-”
I couldn’t even finish my greeting before Catharine began screaming onto my ear. “My son wants to be a princess now, and it’s all your fault! Your daughter has turned my young man into a...a… a girl. You should be ashamed.”
“Why? All my daughter did was not conform to gender roles. Your son decided to be a princess all on his own.”
“My son would never do that. You and your daughter are pressuring my son into your Feminazi lies!’”
Claire was sitting at the table now. She whispered, “What’s going on?”
How do I tell her that some people believe it’s embarrassing to be a princess? I held up a finger and returned to the screaming mother on the other end. “Listen, Catharine, we obviously have two very different ideas regarding this. So I’m just going to hang up now, and we can talk later, in a public environment.” Before she could scream any more, I ended the phone call.
“Mommy, what was that?”
My heart wrenched. Claire was young. A child. She may be my baby feminist, but she hasn’t faced any harsh discrimination or rejection. 5-year-olds shouldn’t have to deal with this. But she needs to know.
I sit down across from her. “Listen, Claire-bear. Some people out there are still living in the stories. They refuse to believe little boys can be just a pretty princesses as girls. It was just one of those people, okay?”
She nodded. If only she could stay this innocent forever.
***
On the school playground the day after our play-date, I ran up to my three friends. “Hey, guys!” I bounced up and down. “Let’s play Kingdoms!”
Madison smiled sadly, “I can’t. My dad won’t let me.”
“What?” I was heartbroken. “Why?” she shrugged.
Zach backed away slowly. “Mommy says that you are bad influence, and your mother is the...the… the ‘devil spawn.’”
I laughed nervously. “What does that mean?”
“It means that my mommy says your mommy is irresponsible and not a good mommy.”
I stood straight. No mommy should tell another mommy how to be a mommy. “Your mommy is wrong. My mommy is the best, prettiest mommy in the whole world. And if you are not going to play with me, then that’s fine. I’m not going to play Kingdoms with a mommy hater.” And I walked away, with tears stinging my eyes. No, Claire. Don’t cry. You’re a big girl and those kids are stupid.
And so I walked to the other side of the playground, a strong little girl, with no knights telling me or my mommy to be damsels in distress.